I'm not sure what sources of advice are responsible for the positive change in the dynamic between my son and I. We still have the tantrums and the resistance to do anything at all that might not be his very own idea, but what has changed is my reaction to all of that. I have to confess that it would make me absolutely miserable not knowing what to do to "reason" with this child. Along the way, and by casually asking a lot of parents and professionals, I realized that "reason" has nothing to do with it. He's much too young to reason.
I am the one who has to modulate it all and the only thing in my control is my own reaction. I have learned not to take it as a personal attack upon my sanity. I have learned that he's learning the reaches of his own will and abilities; that connections are being developed in his brain as he is testing his environment and his capabilities. My job is to keep calm, stand firm and keep him from injury.
Don't get me wrong, it's not as easy as all that. Refraining from yelling "NO!" all day is hard work, especially when it's almost instinctual. Staying calm in the midst of a kicking and screaming session is a tremendous test of temperance. I have to tell myself "he's only two, he doesn't know yet how to express emotions adequately." Sometimes he brings me to within an inch of engaging him in battle, but I try my best to dodge it. I'm still learning how to manage his outbursts. I don't know that I can apply this one method for everything. Parenting is the hardest when you have no tools. I have found but one.
It has become my quest to learn to be a parent for Eli's sake. One cannot be careless about these little ones because it will impact the rest of their lives. I will make mistakes; I'm sure I already have. But, I will try to avoid as many as possible so my impact in his life will be a positive one.
