As I sit in my hotel room, a sudden thought strikes me. My little Eli. Two thousand miles away and he tugs at my heart with his little hand. I miss you so much. I also feel guilty; guilty for leaving you and guilty for needing a break.
I love you with all my heart. God knows I do, but sometimes I am overwhelmed. You are so energetic and determined that it seems all I do is say no, stop and don't. I feel awful about that at the end of the day; like a bad parent. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing and that somehow I will end up messing you up.
I want you to feel loved and supported and guided, and I just feel so uncertain about wether I'm doing all that for you in the best of ways. I think it's time for some classes. Maybe I'm not doing everything wrong, but it would help to hear it from someone "in the know."
Monday, November 8, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Always late
It seems we can never get out of the house on time. This morning, as luck would have it, I found Bumper, our Dachshound out and about in the living room. Someone forgot to shut his crate and he peed all over the floor. Since he's blind and prone to spin, he'd spun around spreading urine all across the entire living room. As if I had time to clean up!
I took all the dogs out to the yard to do their business and proceeded to clean up the mess. Eli, my son, was luckily still asleep.
Then onto waking the two-year-old only to argue with him about going to daycare. As ususal, he didn't want to go. I don't argue with him anymore. I merely say "papi has to go to work and Eli has to go to daycare." I repeat it as many times as he says "I don't want to go." Then his eyes hurt, then he didn't want to go to the bathroom, then he didn't want to change out of his pajamas (soaken wet from an incident through the night).
The dogs are finally back from their outing and into their crates. I must still put on a shirt because if I put it on when I get ready in the morning it will be soaken wet by the time I leave the house from sweating with all this stress! We finally leave the house and I'm already ten minutes late! How does this happen? Why is it that I can't leave the house on time?!!!
I took all the dogs out to the yard to do their business and proceeded to clean up the mess. Eli, my son, was luckily still asleep.
Then onto waking the two-year-old only to argue with him about going to daycare. As ususal, he didn't want to go. I don't argue with him anymore. I merely say "papi has to go to work and Eli has to go to daycare." I repeat it as many times as he says "I don't want to go." Then his eyes hurt, then he didn't want to go to the bathroom, then he didn't want to change out of his pajamas (soaken wet from an incident through the night).
The dogs are finally back from their outing and into their crates. I must still put on a shirt because if I put it on when I get ready in the morning it will be soaken wet by the time I leave the house from sweating with all this stress! We finally leave the house and I'm already ten minutes late! How does this happen? Why is it that I can't leave the house on time?!!!
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